Well, it's nearly that time of year again and I'm just now preparing to put the tree up with the boys. I'll be glad when it's up, I always am, but for now, the dirty work....dusting, vacuuming, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, then...on to the decorating! Oh what fun!!!
By the time we're done it will look exactly like what it is supposed to: a bit of each of us everywhere! I used to want to do it all myself, all neat and orderly and properly matching etc... but now I value each small handmade ornament put ever so closely to the other. It reminds me of all the beautiful cold winter days spent together doing crafts and making homemade treats for our friends and family. Those days are nearing their end as Christopher and Matthew are out growing everything else, so they are getting too big, (they think) for such things. A.J. still enjoys it, although he'd never let on about it to the others, so I will make him feel as the others do; like he's being made to do it. James still enjoys these things too, (I think it's because he's never had brothers and done things like I do with the boys). Never the less, it doesn't matter why-only that I have been blessed with another year to celebrate CHRIST and the true meaning of Christmas with my family.
It's funny that I'm so near what is possibly the end of my marriage, and instead of thinking of the last days of our family being a whole; I'm thinking of this as being another new beginning coming up in my life. Only GOD knows what this next year holds for me and the boys and Anthony but I know that whatever it is.... it will be for mine and the boys' and even Anthony's best.... the BIBLE tells me so!
I'm going to finish the cleaning part of decorating now so A.J. will think it looks "Pretty" in here when he wakes up in the morning.
Pray for me and my 'New Beginning' as I will be praying for y'all.
More to come soon.....with pictures too:)
Friday, December 10, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The Tomorrow that never came
This is the day THE LORD has made and I am going to rejoice and be glad in it! The last time I wrote in this blog I told you I'd write tomorrow to tell ya' 'bout the rest of mine & Carrie's respite. That tomorrow never came, 'til now :) I've been so busy getting the boys back & forth to doctor's visits, making calls, getting ready for my first yard sale this weekend, going to meetings, taking care of my flowers, tomatoes, and cucumbers, teaching A.J., (really, Matthew's been doing the teaching; I just tell him what to do with A.J.), I could go on and on but instead I'll tell you more about mine and Carrie's respite with Luray. We had the best hostess any person could have. It felt like basically Luray waited on us hand and foot. She had strawberries, bananas, yogurt, plums, nectarines, candies, etc.
When we first arrived so late Friday night; she had a full meal waiting of salad, Lasagna, and garlic Texas Toast with homemade Lemonade for Carrie Mae and a special iced Coffee drink for me. We ate and talked and laughed for an hour or so. It was such a pleasant time.
The next morning around 8, we got up and she wanted to fix us a big breakfast but we insisted that neither of us was big on breakfast and we didn't want her to spend our whole visit cooking and waiting on us. So, I ate a banana and yogurt to take my Chantix with. Neither of them ate. We sat on the porch and smoked, drank coffee, and Carrie Mae had Mt.Dew while we laughed, chatted, and enjoyed each other's company as each of us took turns running in & out of the house to get ready to leave.
The first stop was a small flea/farmers market. We got deals you wouldn't believe. The people were kind, ole' country folk who just wanted to make a $ and wasn't trying to take advantage of anyone.
The next stop was a big flea mall called Mountain Man's Flea Market. It was big and for the most part, the people were just like the ones at the other place. We shopped and witnessed to people there for what seemed like hours. Luray introduced us to her favorite vendor there. She was in her 70's I believe she said and you could see the joy of THE LORD in her eyes.
The next stop was to a Consignment Shop that also sold handmade quilts. Luray wanted us to meet the 84 year Adaline who ran it. She told us she just stopped her making quilts and wasn't sure if they'd find someone else to make them or not. We prayed and visited with her for a while. She gave me some babies from a succulent type plant. It's green and feels like suede. I got 7 babies. 3 for Luray and 2 each for me and Carrie Mae.
Gotta' go, it's time for me to get ready for my Home group. I'll finish this one day. MAYBE.
Had an interview today @ Olive Garden. Praying GOD's will is done. The interview went well and I took a personality test. I have another interview Monday afternoon @ 3:00. Perhaps it's GOD enlarging my coast :)
When we first arrived so late Friday night; she had a full meal waiting of salad, Lasagna, and garlic Texas Toast with homemade Lemonade for Carrie Mae and a special iced Coffee drink for me. We ate and talked and laughed for an hour or so. It was such a pleasant time.
The next morning around 8, we got up and she wanted to fix us a big breakfast but we insisted that neither of us was big on breakfast and we didn't want her to spend our whole visit cooking and waiting on us. So, I ate a banana and yogurt to take my Chantix with. Neither of them ate. We sat on the porch and smoked, drank coffee, and Carrie Mae had Mt.Dew while we laughed, chatted, and enjoyed each other's company as each of us took turns running in & out of the house to get ready to leave.
The first stop was a small flea/farmers market. We got deals you wouldn't believe. The people were kind, ole' country folk who just wanted to make a $ and wasn't trying to take advantage of anyone.
The next stop was a big flea mall called Mountain Man's Flea Market. It was big and for the most part, the people were just like the ones at the other place. We shopped and witnessed to people there for what seemed like hours. Luray introduced us to her favorite vendor there. She was in her 70's I believe she said and you could see the joy of THE LORD in her eyes.
The next stop was to a Consignment Shop that also sold handmade quilts. Luray wanted us to meet the 84 year Adaline who ran it. She told us she just stopped her making quilts and wasn't sure if they'd find someone else to make them or not. We prayed and visited with her for a while. She gave me some babies from a succulent type plant. It's green and feels like suede. I got 7 babies. 3 for Luray and 2 each for me and Carrie Mae.
Gotta' go, it's time for me to get ready for my Home group. I'll finish this one day. MAYBE.
Had an interview today @ Olive Garden. Praying GOD's will is done. The interview went well and I took a personality test. I have another interview Monday afternoon @ 3:00. Perhaps it's GOD enlarging my coast :)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Mine and Carrie's Road Trip
This was my first full day back since my respite with Carrie. We went to Luray's and had a blast. The only problem was how short it was. We arrived well after Midnight Friday night and left early in the afternoon on Sunday.
We sat up and ate something and talked for a bit Friday night or rather Saturday's wee hours of the morning.
We woke up a bit after 8 Saturday morning. Sat around and talked a bit, got ready to leave and sat out to go flea marketing. We got great deals. Carrie and I couldn't believe it. These folks were practically giving stuff away. I got Anthony some racing things, a straw Marlboro hat, and an aluminum cigarette case. I got the boys bags and bags of the shaped rubber bands. Here they are $2.99 - $3.49 per bag of 12. There, they were a buck per bag! I also got them a New Moon poster.
I bought all kinds of little items back for Wandagail. I could tell she was disappointed in the fact that I got some shelves that Luray gave me and a glass bath shelf (for $3.00!!!) for myself but I have given her a lot and even though I'd tell you I don't feel a twinge of guilt about not giving it to her; I'd be lying. I stuck to my plans to dress up my bathroom in my bedroom though and I'm proud I said no.
I got Jim a toothpick holder with Mayberry on Main on it. Their phone #'s listed as 1-877-Ernest T! I got Anthony one too but I'm gonna' give them both to Jim, so he can put one in his truck and keep one on him. That way if he forgets to grab the one to carry; he'll have a back up in the truck.
I got Carrie Mae an autographed copy of a John Wayne photo, a pendant that has Mount Airy or Mayberry on it (I'm not sure if it's one or both),a milk glass bowl, an antique Pepsi sign, and a few other odds and ends.
She got me a Mayberry-opoly game. I wanted the trivia game but they were all sold out of those and they have been discontinued. I'm gonna' keep the monopoly game unopened. She got me a big box or jewelry and jewelry making supplies that were worth at least $50. for $2.00!, and a set of beautiful coasters. I'm sure I'm leaving something out besides the Road Trip itself and the gift of 2 days and 2 nights of respite well needed. Plus, she allowed James to ride with us and we dropped him off in Winston Salem where his Uncle Bruce picked him up. The trip there was a voyage. The Bing map I printed out gave us a right where we should have taken a left and we ended up in the town called Hendersonville. I think that's what it was called. Any way, after that Carrie got very anxious and missed one exit and took another wrong one. It took us almost 2 times as long to get there as it took us to get home. Of course, I drove back. I had to talk her into letting me do it but afterwards, she was very glad I did.
Luray gave me all sorts of things, to keep and to sell. Some I gave Wandagail, most I'll sell, a bit I'll keep. The shelves for my bathroom she gave me, some of her extra slate rocks for my flower beds she had, both a beautiful CZ butterfly necklace and earring set, a few tiny little vases, but my most favorite things are 3 towels she gave me. Two are matching butterfly towels and then there's a gorgeous one that's blue with a lace trim on the bottom with flower designs in it. The blue is for Anthony and the pink lacy flower trim on the bottom is for me.
I know it sounds silly, but I want to give Anthony some things in the bedroom and bathroom that represent him when I get it redone. I can't wait to get all of this stuff out of here. My stuff to sell, and all of Jimmy, James, and Wandagails' stuff. I've got a BUNCH of boys clothes to sell. I think I put the shirts for sale for $0.25 and $0.50 for the pants. Perhaps if they get 10 items I'll sell 10 shirts for $2. or 10 pants for $4. I sure pray I do well this weekend. I'm excited and the most exciting part is getting most of this stuff out of my house and making more of less. Less IS More !!!
I'm getting tired so I'll take a break here and tell y'all about the rest of our respite tomorrow.
In the mean time The word of the day and my prayer, (and Luray's and Wandagail's, and Carrie Mae's,) for at least the next 30 days is:
We sat up and ate something and talked for a bit Friday night or rather Saturday's wee hours of the morning.
We woke up a bit after 8 Saturday morning. Sat around and talked a bit, got ready to leave and sat out to go flea marketing. We got great deals. Carrie and I couldn't believe it. These folks were practically giving stuff away. I got Anthony some racing things, a straw Marlboro hat, and an aluminum cigarette case. I got the boys bags and bags of the shaped rubber bands. Here they are $2.99 - $3.49 per bag of 12. There, they were a buck per bag! I also got them a New Moon poster.
I bought all kinds of little items back for Wandagail. I could tell she was disappointed in the fact that I got some shelves that Luray gave me and a glass bath shelf (for $3.00!!!) for myself but I have given her a lot and even though I'd tell you I don't feel a twinge of guilt about not giving it to her; I'd be lying. I stuck to my plans to dress up my bathroom in my bedroom though and I'm proud I said no.
I got Jim a toothpick holder with Mayberry on Main on it. Their phone #'s listed as 1-877-Ernest T! I got Anthony one too but I'm gonna' give them both to Jim, so he can put one in his truck and keep one on him. That way if he forgets to grab the one to carry; he'll have a back up in the truck.
I got Carrie Mae an autographed copy of a John Wayne photo, a pendant that has Mount Airy or Mayberry on it (I'm not sure if it's one or both),a milk glass bowl, an antique Pepsi sign, and a few other odds and ends.
She got me a Mayberry-opoly game. I wanted the trivia game but they were all sold out of those and they have been discontinued. I'm gonna' keep the monopoly game unopened. She got me a big box or jewelry and jewelry making supplies that were worth at least $50. for $2.00!, and a set of beautiful coasters. I'm sure I'm leaving something out besides the Road Trip itself and the gift of 2 days and 2 nights of respite well needed. Plus, she allowed James to ride with us and we dropped him off in Winston Salem where his Uncle Bruce picked him up. The trip there was a voyage. The Bing map I printed out gave us a right where we should have taken a left and we ended up in the town called Hendersonville. I think that's what it was called. Any way, after that Carrie got very anxious and missed one exit and took another wrong one. It took us almost 2 times as long to get there as it took us to get home. Of course, I drove back. I had to talk her into letting me do it but afterwards, she was very glad I did.
Luray gave me all sorts of things, to keep and to sell. Some I gave Wandagail, most I'll sell, a bit I'll keep. The shelves for my bathroom she gave me, some of her extra slate rocks for my flower beds she had, both a beautiful CZ butterfly necklace and earring set, a few tiny little vases, but my most favorite things are 3 towels she gave me. Two are matching butterfly towels and then there's a gorgeous one that's blue with a lace trim on the bottom with flower designs in it. The blue is for Anthony and the pink lacy flower trim on the bottom is for me.
I know it sounds silly, but I want to give Anthony some things in the bedroom and bathroom that represent him when I get it redone. I can't wait to get all of this stuff out of here. My stuff to sell, and all of Jimmy, James, and Wandagails' stuff. I've got a BUNCH of boys clothes to sell. I think I put the shirts for sale for $0.25 and $0.50 for the pants. Perhaps if they get 10 items I'll sell 10 shirts for $2. or 10 pants for $4. I sure pray I do well this weekend. I'm excited and the most exciting part is getting most of this stuff out of my house and making more of less. Less IS More !!!
I'm getting tired so I'll take a break here and tell y'all about the rest of our respite tomorrow.
In the mean time The word of the day and my prayer, (and Luray's and Wandagail's, and Carrie Mae's,) for at least the next 30 days is:
THE PRAYER OF JABEZ
Dear Father I pray:
Oh, that THOU wouldest bless me indeed,
and enlarge my coast.
and that THINE hand might be with me, and that THOU wouldest keep me from evil,
that it may not grieve me!
If you'd like it'd be GREAT to have any of you reading my blog join us in praying this prayer for at least the next 30 days it would be a blessing, both to you and us.
Night all ~ Sleepy Lorraine
Monday, June 21, 2010
A lot Done Little noticed
I feel like I've accomplished a lot in the house today, even though you can barely tell it. Just goes to show when you have a big mess, a little cleaning doesn't go far. All in all though, I feel good about getting so much done. Even if no one else notices it; I know it's been done.
My sponsor told me that I'm never gonna' get sober in Al Anon if I don't quit drinking Anthony. I know she's right and I do really well at times, but others, not so much. It's all good though 'cause this too is a program of progress and not perfection.
Luray is following my blog now and I finally am beginning to get some comments or as I like to call them: words of wisdom.
I am exhausted and should be sleeping but I accidently let the boys' night time meds run out and they have been wide open fussing, fighting, arguing, kicking, and A.J. even spit on one of the others. God's man helped me and we finally got them down about ten min. ago. And now that it's peaceful and quiet I'm too anxious to sleep. I figured blogging would help relax me.
This was a day the LORD had made and in it I have rejoiced and been glad in it. At least more than not.
Anthony and I had a good talk. I don't know how much good it did for him, but it surely did a lot for me to just get it out and in the open.
I pray fervently each day of my life that he will hit his bottom soon and start to trudge down this road of happiness.
In II Samuel 23:2 ~ The SPIRIT of THE LORD spake by me, and HIS word was in my tongue.
GOD bless and keep you all and my the LORD speak by you also and HIS word be in your tongue! Amen
~ Lorraine
My sponsor told me that I'm never gonna' get sober in Al Anon if I don't quit drinking Anthony. I know she's right and I do really well at times, but others, not so much. It's all good though 'cause this too is a program of progress and not perfection.
Luray is following my blog now and I finally am beginning to get some comments or as I like to call them: words of wisdom.
I am exhausted and should be sleeping but I accidently let the boys' night time meds run out and they have been wide open fussing, fighting, arguing, kicking, and A.J. even spit on one of the others. God's man helped me and we finally got them down about ten min. ago. And now that it's peaceful and quiet I'm too anxious to sleep. I figured blogging would help relax me.
This was a day the LORD had made and in it I have rejoiced and been glad in it. At least more than not.
Anthony and I had a good talk. I don't know how much good it did for him, but it surely did a lot for me to just get it out and in the open.
I pray fervently each day of my life that he will hit his bottom soon and start to trudge down this road of happiness.
In II Samuel 23:2 ~ The SPIRIT of THE LORD spake by me, and HIS word was in my tongue.
GOD bless and keep you all and my the LORD speak by you also and HIS word be in your tongue! Amen
~ Lorraine
Sunday, June 20, 2010
WHAT NEXT?
I have chosen to write in blue tonight because that's the mood I'm in. I have allowed my husband's disrespect and his alienating of himself from our family to deeply hurt me to the inner most center of my heart and soul. The thought of taking enough pills to make them put me into a mental ward (mind you not to commit suicide: I have NO desire to die). I just want to get away and straighten my thoughts out and spend time alone with GOD and HIS word in prayer trying to figure out what the next right thing to say/do/decide is.
I did at least (for what it's worth) let him know how I feel. I am not going to do anything stupid like take a lot of pills, it's just a fleeting thought of escape.
I think that if Carrie Mae and I get to go to see Luray next weekend, that will help tremendously.
My soon to be GODly man, (I do know and believe in my heart that GOD will continue to draw him to HIMSELF through HIS SPIRIT until he has no choice but to let go and give his will and life over to GOD), anyway he has completely avoided me for weeks on end now whenever possible, refuses to take part in any family happenings, and jumps at the chance to get out of the house with anyone else that offers whether it's to work on the side or go visit/help someone out, or like tonight he's gone floundering. It's not that I mind his absence. It's actually a very welcomed break from having him be the way he is lately, which is progressingly worsening day by day. It's the ignoring me and when he's not he's degrading me and treating me either like a dog or a child-ordering me around and telling me, never asking me to do things.
I'm convinced that to an extent some of these things are due to his not feeling welcomed in his own home anylonger, but he's the one that is teaching people how to treat him. My part in it is falling back into the trap of treating him the way he does me more than treating him with compassion, understanding, love, and mostly the way I want him to treat me.
I can do nothing right in his eyes either.
Another thing is that with everything going on inside of me lately; I have not been a good wife in the way that he deserves. He does work hard and even though the fact that he is financially doing his part and he cooks more than not (because he likes to) there's not another thing I can say good about him and who he's become lately. I know from the experience of having suffered from this disease actively myself that it is not something there's an easy soft or simple fix for, but I also know that he knows where to find the help he needs and just ain't ready for it yet.
Well, I've vented enough. Thanks for letting me get this all out and not judging me, but if you have any words of wisdom on the subject; PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME!
On another note, I found out that my 2 youngest children have been smoking. I made them eat cigarettes as a consequence. I don't think they'll be smoking again anytime soon. They both puked. The oldest just layed his head over the top bunkbed and let it flow. He called his Daddy who in turn came outside to get me where I was cleaning in the yard and told me, "You need to get in there and take care of your son!" I think that was the last straw for me where he was concerned for today cause that's when I thought through what I was going to say as I cleaned the mess up and boy did I let it all out~quick,short, and vehemently. Then I simply walked away. I refused to discuss it with him any longer except to reply to his usual "I love you with all my heart" with "You can say that 'til dooms day but until you show it; it has no meaning whatsoever"
Alright, I'm done for the night.
May GOD bless us everyone with HIS grace, mercy, wisdom, and the integrity to do the next right thing. ~Lorraine
I did at least (for what it's worth) let him know how I feel. I am not going to do anything stupid like take a lot of pills, it's just a fleeting thought of escape.
I think that if Carrie Mae and I get to go to see Luray next weekend, that will help tremendously.
My soon to be GODly man, (I do know and believe in my heart that GOD will continue to draw him to HIMSELF through HIS SPIRIT until he has no choice but to let go and give his will and life over to GOD), anyway he has completely avoided me for weeks on end now whenever possible, refuses to take part in any family happenings, and jumps at the chance to get out of the house with anyone else that offers whether it's to work on the side or go visit/help someone out, or like tonight he's gone floundering. It's not that I mind his absence. It's actually a very welcomed break from having him be the way he is lately, which is progressingly worsening day by day. It's the ignoring me and when he's not he's degrading me and treating me either like a dog or a child-ordering me around and telling me, never asking me to do things.
I'm convinced that to an extent some of these things are due to his not feeling welcomed in his own home anylonger, but he's the one that is teaching people how to treat him. My part in it is falling back into the trap of treating him the way he does me more than treating him with compassion, understanding, love, and mostly the way I want him to treat me.
I can do nothing right in his eyes either.
Another thing is that with everything going on inside of me lately; I have not been a good wife in the way that he deserves. He does work hard and even though the fact that he is financially doing his part and he cooks more than not (because he likes to) there's not another thing I can say good about him and who he's become lately. I know from the experience of having suffered from this disease actively myself that it is not something there's an easy soft or simple fix for, but I also know that he knows where to find the help he needs and just ain't ready for it yet.
Well, I've vented enough. Thanks for letting me get this all out and not judging me, but if you have any words of wisdom on the subject; PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME!
On another note, I found out that my 2 youngest children have been smoking. I made them eat cigarettes as a consequence. I don't think they'll be smoking again anytime soon. They both puked. The oldest just layed his head over the top bunkbed and let it flow. He called his Daddy who in turn came outside to get me where I was cleaning in the yard and told me, "You need to get in there and take care of your son!" I think that was the last straw for me where he was concerned for today cause that's when I thought through what I was going to say as I cleaned the mess up and boy did I let it all out~quick,short, and vehemently. Then I simply walked away. I refused to discuss it with him any longer except to reply to his usual "I love you with all my heart" with "You can say that 'til dooms day but until you show it; it has no meaning whatsoever"
Alright, I'm done for the night.
May GOD bless us everyone with HIS grace, mercy, wisdom, and the integrity to do the next right thing. ~Lorraine
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I came across an insightful take on marriage that I want to share with you all. I can't copy and paste it so I'm going to do my best to take my time and re write it from the email. Here goes:
Hey, I can do all things through CHRIST which strengthens me! I figured out how to copy and paste the parts I wanted to share in the email. Here it is:
"The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in
love with a personality, but we must live with a
character."
- Peter Devries
We can only appreciate the profundity of this
statement if we understand what is meant by
CHARACTER.
"Personality" is easy to understand. Your
"personality" is how people experience you. It's
your public persona.
But what is "character?" And why is "character"
so crucial in your marriage?
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
Let me say that again so you can read it slowly
and really digest it this time.
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
You see, when you and your spouse met, you met
each other's PERSONALITIES. You showed your
spouse and you were shown by your spouse your
public personas. I'm not saying you tricked each
other. It's just your personality; how you
display yourself to others.
But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters
for anyone to sustain a public persona.
Personalities eventually give way to an INNER
SELF that gets revealed for the first time. And
there you each stand, naked as if no one is
watching. But someone is watching. And that's
when you meet for the first time...again!
You and your spouse don't meet the person who
charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for
each other's parents, and always smiled from ear
to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your
CHARACTERS.
In many cases, it's not only that you're meeting
each other for the first time, but it's that
you're meeting YOURSELVES for the first time.
Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating
anyone the way they treat their spouse. Most
people don't recognize their own behavior. "I'm
just not myself with him/her." Well then who is
that person? Wendy, that's YOU...it's
your character. (And your spouse meets their
character.)
The reason so many people fail at marriage and an
attempt at marriage renewal is NOT that they
don't like their spouse. It's that they don't
like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their
life is like a mirror reflecting their
personality; their spouse is a mirror reflecting
their character. And most people don't like what
they see.
Many people would rather choose to be with
someone else than remain with their spouse and
have to continue to be with themselves. (Did you
get that?)
Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century
manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as
follows: "You are as much a real person as you
are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the
interior is twice as important as the surface.
There are people who are all facade, like a house
left unfinished when the funds run out. They have
the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a
cottage."
Wendy, marriage renewal and individual
character development go hand-in-hand.
I hope you got as much out of this as I have. That is, if you have a need to better understand the growth and changes that occur in marriage as time tolls on.
I also find that these concepts can apply to friendships as well. The more we get to know those closer to us the more we begin to see there character and less of there persona.
Also in thinking about this I have come to the conclusion that when I lost my long time sponsor due to us growing too close; it occurred to me that she could love me enough to tell me the truth about what she perceives in me ~ good and bad. I will continue to look for another sponsor, (because I know she has way too much going on in her life right now to take on complicated me to the extent that I need it) but I'm praying that GOD will send me someone at least close to the person she is. I couldn't imagine it happening if it weren't for the fact that I know All things are possible with GOD. If HE doesn't make a way for her to do it; HE will provide someone else that can. For he knows my heart and my desires to grow in this program spiritually, emotionally, and maturity etc.....
Well, my word for you today comes from II Samuel 22:31-34
31: As for GOD HIS word is perfect; the word of the LORD is perfect; HE is a buckler to all them that trust HIM.
32: For who is GOD, save3 THE LORD? and who is a rock, save our GOD?
33: GOD is my strength and power: and HE maketh my way perfect.
34: HE maketh my feet as hind feet: and setteth me upon my high places.
What a blessing to know that He loves me so that He is my all in all. HE is the GREAT I AM. GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of THE LORD FOREVER!
Amen and prayers to you all, Wendy
Hey, I can do all things through CHRIST which strengthens me! I figured out how to copy and paste the parts I wanted to share in the email. Here it is:
"The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in
love with a personality, but we must live with a
character."
- Peter Devries
We can only appreciate the profundity of this
statement if we understand what is meant by
CHARACTER.
"Personality" is easy to understand. Your
"personality" is how people experience you. It's
your public persona.
But what is "character?" And why is "character"
so crucial in your marriage?
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
Let me say that again so you can read it slowly
and really digest it this time.
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
You see, when you and your spouse met, you met
each other's PERSONALITIES. You showed your
spouse and you were shown by your spouse your
public personas. I'm not saying you tricked each
other. It's just your personality; how you
display yourself to others.
But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters
for anyone to sustain a public persona.
Personalities eventually give way to an INNER
SELF that gets revealed for the first time. And
there you each stand, naked as if no one is
watching. But someone is watching. And that's
when you meet for the first time...again!
You and your spouse don't meet the person who
charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for
each other's parents, and always smiled from ear
to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your
CHARACTERS.
In many cases, it's not only that you're meeting
each other for the first time, but it's that
you're meeting YOURSELVES for the first time.
Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating
anyone the way they treat their spouse. Most
people don't recognize their own behavior. "I'm
just not myself with him/her." Well then who is
that person? Wendy, that's YOU...it's
your character. (And your spouse meets their
character.)
The reason so many people fail at marriage and an
attempt at marriage renewal is NOT that they
don't like their spouse. It's that they don't
like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their
life is like a mirror reflecting their
personality; their spouse is a mirror reflecting
their character. And most people don't like what
they see.
Many people would rather choose to be with
someone else than remain with their spouse and
have to continue to be with themselves. (Did you
get that?)
Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century
manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as
follows: "You are as much a real person as you
are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the
interior is twice as important as the surface.
There are people who are all facade, like a house
left unfinished when the funds run out. They have
the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a
cottage."
Wendy, marriage renewal and individual
character development go hand-in-hand.
I hope you got as much out of this as I have. That is, if you have a need to better understand the growth and changes that occur in marriage as time tolls on.
I also find that these concepts can apply to friendships as well. The more we get to know those closer to us the more we begin to see there character and less of there persona.
Also in thinking about this I have come to the conclusion that when I lost my long time sponsor due to us growing too close; it occurred to me that she could love me enough to tell me the truth about what she perceives in me ~ good and bad. I will continue to look for another sponsor, (because I know she has way too much going on in her life right now to take on complicated me to the extent that I need it) but I'm praying that GOD will send me someone at least close to the person she is. I couldn't imagine it happening if it weren't for the fact that I know All things are possible with GOD. If HE doesn't make a way for her to do it; HE will provide someone else that can. For he knows my heart and my desires to grow in this program spiritually, emotionally, and maturity etc.....
Well, my word for you today comes from II Samuel 22:31-34
31: As for GOD HIS word is perfect; the word of the LORD is perfect; HE is a buckler to all them that trust HIM.
32: For who is GOD, save3 THE LORD? and who is a rock, save our GOD?
33: GOD is my strength and power: and HE maketh my way perfect.
34: HE maketh my feet as hind feet: and setteth me upon my high places.
What a blessing to know that He loves me so that He is my all in all. HE is the GREAT I AM. GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of THE LORD FOREVER!
Amen and prayers to you all, Wendy
Monday, June 14, 2010
You can't get to heaven on roller skates
In doing my 4th step in Al Anon; it's brought back a lot of childhood memories. Good ones mostly. In reminiscing about some of my fondest memories; this song came to my mind and the wonderful and exhilarated feelings of pure joy I recall feeling as we sang this and others (that I'm sure I'll find and share another day)
To all of you, a blessed and wonderful day ~ Lorraine
To all of you, a blessed and wonderful day ~ Lorraine
Sunday, June 13, 2010
1 down & GOD only knows how many are left
One day down. Only GOD knows how many are left. I've really enjoyed my day. We frolicked on the beach for about 2 hours. Came home and cleaned the van out. Then Matthew & I took it to the car wash for a real cleaning. I let him sit on my lap and drive. He was so excited. He said that was the most awesome thing he's ever done. I let him do it all: brakes, accelerator, steering, even shifting gears. He was in heaven. It was a good time for us alone. It made me have a new perspective on life. How blessed we are and especially how blessed I am for GOD to have given me the ability to do these things with my children whom are also blessed as being healthy.
I do wish that AB would participate in our family goings, but I try to practice the 'act as if' scenario. As Ms.Jean says, I sometimes have to act as if I'm a widow and then live my life accordingly. It is a lot easier to speak than to do. At least emotionally and spiritually the practice of it is exhausting anyway.
I called Ms.Jean to ask her about my step meeting next month while I was on the beach. I was reading up on it and had some questions. She made me feel good and wholesome. She usually does have that affect on me.
After the step meeting in July for Al Anon; I will chair for my AA home group meeting in August. I will need to do an eighth tradition meeting on one of those Fridays. So, I've already began planning for those dates. I really look forward to them. They give me a sense of purpose. Not too much unlike the way being an enabler and/or care taker has. My desire is that eventually GOD will fill me with HIS SPIRIT, so overflowing with it, that I will not need anyone or anything else to give me that sense of well being and having a purpose that HE can give me perfectly. Each day of my life lately I feel that he fills more and more of that hole I have inside that we speak of in recovery.
This life, it is a journey with the destination known but only to the extent that he will allow us to see it. The thing though is that if I want to know more; I must work more. I have to do the foot work. Pray, Read the Bible, and apply the principles to my life little by slow, more and more each day. When I read the BIBLE I must do it with intent and purpose. The intention to hear what GOD is telling me and the purpose is to ask HIM to show me how to apply it in my life. It's a good life, it's the life GOD intended for me even the downs are a part of the whole of it and as always: all these things work for my good just because I am one of the called according to HIS purpose. Praise GOD in the HIGHEST. HIS mercy endures forever. Under the wing of THE ALMIGHTY do I abide.
Love and prayers to all sweet dreams &; good thoughts lead you into peaceful restful sleep ~ Lorraine
I do wish that AB would participate in our family goings, but I try to practice the 'act as if' scenario. As Ms.Jean says, I sometimes have to act as if I'm a widow and then live my life accordingly. It is a lot easier to speak than to do. At least emotionally and spiritually the practice of it is exhausting anyway.
I called Ms.Jean to ask her about my step meeting next month while I was on the beach. I was reading up on it and had some questions. She made me feel good and wholesome. She usually does have that affect on me.
After the step meeting in July for Al Anon; I will chair for my AA home group meeting in August. I will need to do an eighth tradition meeting on one of those Fridays. So, I've already began planning for those dates. I really look forward to them. They give me a sense of purpose. Not too much unlike the way being an enabler and/or care taker has. My desire is that eventually GOD will fill me with HIS SPIRIT, so overflowing with it, that I will not need anyone or anything else to give me that sense of well being and having a purpose that HE can give me perfectly. Each day of my life lately I feel that he fills more and more of that hole I have inside that we speak of in recovery.
This life, it is a journey with the destination known but only to the extent that he will allow us to see it. The thing though is that if I want to know more; I must work more. I have to do the foot work. Pray, Read the Bible, and apply the principles to my life little by slow, more and more each day. When I read the BIBLE I must do it with intent and purpose. The intention to hear what GOD is telling me and the purpose is to ask HIM to show me how to apply it in my life. It's a good life, it's the life GOD intended for me even the downs are a part of the whole of it and as always: all these things work for my good just because I am one of the called according to HIS purpose. Praise GOD in the HIGHEST. HIS mercy endures forever. Under the wing of THE ALMIGHTY do I abide.
Love and prayers to all sweet dreams &; good thoughts lead you into peaceful restful sleep ~ Lorraine
I'm back from my BIG adventure. Nothing lost, somethings gained. James got a big life raft boat, I got a pretty little shell and a flower. We also got a VERY sandy and messy van that I am going to go take a break by myself and clean it at the car wash. I want it to look nice. The way it looked when we left Matt's house after Anthony's Uncle Johnnie's funeral.
I emailed a lady about a posting for a part time temporary office assistant position. I am looking forward to hearing back from her. It's her name @sayhellocomfort Perhaps it's in a Comfort Inn Resort? Anyway, part time is perfect and temporary I can deal with.
Well, I'm off to be by myself to clean my van.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13
Love and Prayers, Lorraine
I emailed a lady about a posting for a part time temporary office assistant position. I am looking forward to hearing back from her. It's her name @sayhellocomfort Perhaps it's in a Comfort Inn Resort? Anyway, part time is perfect and temporary I can deal with.
Well, I'm off to be by myself to clean my van.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13
Love and Prayers, Lorraine
This is the day I will be blessed for my holding true to my promise. I promised the boys that I'd take them to the ocean today to meet up with them. I let them know I have 4 boys and sometimes more and Shaun told me 'No worries, we'll help you' so, today we will see how well that will work for the bunch of us.
I asked 'the man in the bed' this morning if he'd go with us. His remark was 'I haven't left or lost anything on that ocean.' So, I tried to make him want to go making sure he knew there would be a bunch of AAs there. That didn't work as usual. Each time I try to manipulate someone it backfires on me.
So, here I go setting out on what will surely be a very BIG adventure. Pray for our safety and for the children to be good.
I've been studying in the word this morning and reading my daily readers.-
Just for Today revised: pg.171
Just for today I will remember that my life is a miracle. Instead of resenting how busy I am, I will be thankful my life is so full.
Psalms 121:
A song of degrees. I will lift up mine eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help.j
My help cometh from THE LORD which made heaven and earth.
HE will not suffer thy foot to be moved, HE that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, HE that keepeth isreal shall not slumber or sleep.
THE LORD is thy keeper, THE LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
THE LORD shall preserve thee from all evil, HE shall preserve thy soul.
THE LORD preserve thy going out and thy going in for this time forth, and even for evermore.
So with these to start myself off with; I'm on to our preparations and then to our destination. FUN FUN FUN
I asked 'the man in the bed' this morning if he'd go with us. His remark was 'I haven't left or lost anything on that ocean.' So, I tried to make him want to go making sure he knew there would be a bunch of AAs there. That didn't work as usual. Each time I try to manipulate someone it backfires on me.
So, here I go setting out on what will surely be a very BIG adventure. Pray for our safety and for the children to be good.
I've been studying in the word this morning and reading my daily readers.-
Just for Today revised: pg.171
Just for today I will remember that my life is a miracle. Instead of resenting how busy I am, I will be thankful my life is so full.
Psalms 121:
A song of degrees. I will lift up mine eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help.j
My help cometh from THE LORD which made heaven and earth.
HE will not suffer thy foot to be moved, HE that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, HE that keepeth isreal shall not slumber or sleep.
THE LORD is thy keeper, THE LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
THE LORD shall preserve thee from all evil, HE shall preserve thy soul.
THE LORD preserve thy going out and thy going in for this time forth, and even for evermore.
So with these to start myself off with; I'm on to our preparations and then to our destination. FUN FUN FUN
Words of wisdom to live by
PROVERBS 10:21 THE LIPS OF THE RIGHTEOUS FEED MANY, BUT FOOLS DIE FOR WANT OF WISDOM.
HEBREWS 10:31 IT IS A FEARFUL THING TO FALL INTO THE HANDS OF THE LIVING GOD.
PROVERBS 111:10 THE FEAR OF THE LORD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM A GOOD UNDERSTANDING HAVE ALL THEY THAT DO HIS COMMANDMENTS: HIS PRAISE ENDURETH FOR EVER.
ROMANS 8:28 AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD, TO THEM WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.
1st CORINTHIANS 14: 32 AND THE SPIRITS OF THE PROPHETS ARE SUBJECT TO THE PROPHETS. 33 FOR GOD IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF CONFUSION, BUT OF PEACE, AS IN ALL CHURCHES OF THE SAINTS.
Also, click on my link above for some more insight to women in the bible days
Hope you all enjoyed the words from the BIGGEST BIG BOOK
Love and prayers to all ~ Lorraine
PROVERBS 10:21 THE LIPS OF THE RIGHTEOUS FEED MANY, BUT FOOLS DIE FOR WANT OF WISDOM.
HEBREWS 10:31 IT IS A FEARFUL THING TO FALL INTO THE HANDS OF THE LIVING GOD.
PROVERBS 111:10 THE FEAR OF THE LORD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM A GOOD UNDERSTANDING HAVE ALL THEY THAT DO HIS COMMANDMENTS: HIS PRAISE ENDURETH FOR EVER.
ROMANS 8:28 AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD, TO THEM WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.
1st CORINTHIANS 14: 32 AND THE SPIRITS OF THE PROPHETS ARE SUBJECT TO THE PROPHETS. 33 FOR GOD IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF CONFUSION, BUT OF PEACE, AS IN ALL CHURCHES OF THE SAINTS.
Also, click on my link above for some more insight to women in the bible days
Hope you all enjoyed the words from the BIGGEST BIG BOOK
Love and prayers to all ~ Lorraine
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Getting Something Done...Little By Slow
Ok, after writing the last blog, I cleaned a bit in my living room, with Jim's help. Then I had the boys do their chores in the kitchen. My next project is to clean the rest of the living room and start on the main bath room.
I also did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I let my new sponsor go, explaining to her that I'd prefer a more spiritual minded person and to meet with someone more often. She surprised me by agreeing and asking me if I'd still call her everyday. I said of course and told her she's one of the best friends I have. It went good, much better than I ever dreamed. I was nervous about it but at the same time I knew I had to do it.
Well, back to work. Love & Prayers to all, Lorraine
I also did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I let my new sponsor go, explaining to her that I'd prefer a more spiritual minded person and to meet with someone more often. She surprised me by agreeing and asking me if I'd still call her everyday. I said of course and told her she's one of the best friends I have. It went good, much better than I ever dreamed. I was nervous about it but at the same time I knew I had to do it.
Well, back to work. Love & Prayers to all, Lorraine
Why I am an enabling caretaker
Alright, I've accomplished VERY LITTLE but did speak with my old sponsor and she instructed me to spend 30 minutes writing about what I get out of helping others that could/should help themselves. Here goes:
I feel better about me when I'm helping someone.
It makes me feel like I'm smart and capable when I help.
I feel like I am dependable.
Helping others gives me a feeling of being superior.
I desire the 'thatagirl' comment.
I want people to like me.
I don't want to see their dissapointment when I say no.
I deceive myself into thinking I'm the only one that can do it right.
I don't want to let others down.
It makes me feel needed.
It makes me feel wanted.
It makes me feel desired.
It makes me feel special.
Helping others builds my self esteem.
It gives me a sense of purpose.
It gives me a false sense of control.
It just plain makes me feel good to help others, even when I know I shouldn't be doing it, which brings on guilt for having an Al Anon slip and so then I try to justify it.
I'm all out of thougthts, except that I pray I'll be able to get over my self destruction caretaking habit.
I'm going to start trying to get some more work done in the house while I wait for her to call back.
Keeping it Simple.... Lorraine
I feel better about me when I'm helping someone.
It makes me feel like I'm smart and capable when I help.
I feel like I am dependable.
Helping others gives me a feeling of being superior.
I desire the 'thatagirl' comment.
I want people to like me.
I don't want to see their dissapointment when I say no.
I deceive myself into thinking I'm the only one that can do it right.
I don't want to let others down.
It makes me feel needed.
It makes me feel wanted.
It makes me feel desired.
It makes me feel special.
Helping others builds my self esteem.
It gives me a sense of purpose.
It gives me a false sense of control.
It just plain makes me feel good to help others, even when I know I shouldn't be doing it, which brings on guilt for having an Al Anon slip and so then I try to justify it.
I'm all out of thougthts, except that I pray I'll be able to get over my self destruction caretaking habit.
I'm going to start trying to get some more work done in the house while I wait for her to call back.
Keeping it Simple.... Lorraine
Slothful at it's worst
I'm sitting here with Jim, Wandagail, A.J., and James wishing I was a Jeanie so I could cross my arms, and flip my head forward to make my home clean. I have decided that today is the day to get off my butt and do something about it. I've been depressed and in denial about it for way toooo long.
I missed my meeting last night. I slept right through it. I think that was the last straw with allowing myself to face the truth about my depression. I had laid down to nap before I had to leave to go to the bank. That was about 3:30 and I woke up at 7:00 this morning. Wandagail and Carrie suggested that I needed the rest. I don't know what I'd need it for though. All I've done lately is read the Bible, watch TV, meet with my Al Anon sponsor, go to meetings, and sit and sit and sit. I have been writing about it, praying about it, and talking about it, but taken no action. Today is my day of action. I will leave this blog, go take a shower, and get busy. I'm going to start washing and hanging out clothes between cleaning the living room then move onto the main bathroom.
Pray for me to complete the living room and bathroom today. If I get that much done; I'll be happy that I've accomplished something.
Here I go..Proverbs 12:24 The hand of the diligent shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute. I SHALL BE DILIGENT AND NOT SLOTHFUL!!!!
I missed my meeting last night. I slept right through it. I think that was the last straw with allowing myself to face the truth about my depression. I had laid down to nap before I had to leave to go to the bank. That was about 3:30 and I woke up at 7:00 this morning. Wandagail and Carrie suggested that I needed the rest. I don't know what I'd need it for though. All I've done lately is read the Bible, watch TV, meet with my Al Anon sponsor, go to meetings, and sit and sit and sit. I have been writing about it, praying about it, and talking about it, but taken no action. Today is my day of action. I will leave this blog, go take a shower, and get busy. I'm going to start washing and hanging out clothes between cleaning the living room then move onto the main bathroom.
Pray for me to complete the living room and bathroom today. If I get that much done; I'll be happy that I've accomplished something.
Here I go..Proverbs 12:24 The hand of the diligent shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute. I SHALL BE DILIGENT AND NOT SLOTHFUL!!!!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
First 1/2 Day of Summer
Today is the last day of school. I had to tell A.J. that he didn't pass first grade. He didn't take it well at all. I finally got him looking forward to Carrie and me teaching him 'summer school' though. I only pray we can have him ready for second grade by the end of the summer, after the fit he threw over being held back; I don't know what he'll do if he does all the work again over the summer and still don't get to go on to second grade. I know he is capable of doing the work. It's just a matter of getting him to do it.
This was a big end of year for both Matthew and Christopher.
Anthony and I went with Christopher to his 8th grade graduation last night. Then we brought Anthony home and I took Christopher out to eat at the local El Zarape restaurant. I really enjoyed our little 'alone' time together and ya' know; I think he did too.
I went today to see Matthew's 5th grade graduation. He won an award for most improved in computer class, one for getting honor roll for this 9 weeks, one for honor roll for the year, and a scholarship for Camp Trinity. (He was one of 2 to receive this scholarship).
He's spending the night tonight with his friend Guy. I'm glad he went. He's never spent the night anywhere away from home except for with his Grandmaw, Aunt Mona, or my girlfriend Glenda. He tried to stay the night with a neighbor once but ended up coming home. I pray he'll stay with Guy all night. It'll be good practice for camp.
The scholarship for Camp Trinity! They even buy the gas for the trip to get him there and it's just in Pine Knoll Shores. I was so grateful the day they called and told me. I cried like a baby. I don't know what to think when GOD brings so many blessings to me and my family. HE does too, bless us that is.
Well, it's time for me to go. It is getting time for us to get ready for the first night with no school left. I'm going to try to take them to pick strawberries this week and to the beach. Some of the folks from my home group invited me to bring the boys and go to the circle on Sundays. They said they go about every Sunday between 1 and 2 in the afternoon. I think we'll go this Sunday. It'll be nice for Jim & I to have other adults around. Especially since they're in program. That will be especially nice.
The WORD for today is Psalm 119 124
'Deal with THY servant according unto THY mercy, and teach me THY statutes.'
That is also my prayer for my life. I pray that GOD will fill my life with both HIS word and HIS mercy. If I allow HIM to do those things, I will be happy all the rest of my days.
I made up a prayer to say over Christopher when he was a baby and have continued with each boy. I thought I'd write it in here in case they all grow out of me saying prayers with/for them without my ever saving it somewhere,(Christopher has already outgrown praying with Mommy).
As you read it remember, I'm not a pro, just a Mommy with a prayer. Here goes:
Dear HEAVENLY FATHER, we come to YOU in the precious name of YOUR SON & our SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST, bless my boy(s) LORD, with peaceful, restful sleep, sweet dreams and good thoughts and help them always do YOUR will. Bless them and help them to think on the good things in life, of YOU and YOUR love and kindness, YOUR generosity and gracious mercy. Above all else, help them to think of your protection, of the many, many angels that YOU send to protect them with, both day and night. Help them to think of those angels, their beauty and their strength, of YOU and YOUR shining light. Help them to think on these things and to have their thoughts lead them to peaceful, restful sleep and sweet, sweet dreams. We give YOU the praise, honor, and glory for all things in our lives and thank YOU for helping all of these things work together for our good. In JESUS name we pray and thank YOU, Amen
And to you a good night as well - lorraine
This was a big end of year for both Matthew and Christopher.
Anthony and I went with Christopher to his 8th grade graduation last night. Then we brought Anthony home and I took Christopher out to eat at the local El Zarape restaurant. I really enjoyed our little 'alone' time together and ya' know; I think he did too.
I went today to see Matthew's 5th grade graduation. He won an award for most improved in computer class, one for getting honor roll for this 9 weeks, one for honor roll for the year, and a scholarship for Camp Trinity. (He was one of 2 to receive this scholarship).
He's spending the night tonight with his friend Guy. I'm glad he went. He's never spent the night anywhere away from home except for with his Grandmaw, Aunt Mona, or my girlfriend Glenda. He tried to stay the night with a neighbor once but ended up coming home. I pray he'll stay with Guy all night. It'll be good practice for camp.
The scholarship for Camp Trinity! They even buy the gas for the trip to get him there and it's just in Pine Knoll Shores. I was so grateful the day they called and told me. I cried like a baby. I don't know what to think when GOD brings so many blessings to me and my family. HE does too, bless us that is.
Well, it's time for me to go. It is getting time for us to get ready for the first night with no school left. I'm going to try to take them to pick strawberries this week and to the beach. Some of the folks from my home group invited me to bring the boys and go to the circle on Sundays. They said they go about every Sunday between 1 and 2 in the afternoon. I think we'll go this Sunday. It'll be nice for Jim & I to have other adults around. Especially since they're in program. That will be especially nice.
The WORD for today is Psalm 119 124
'Deal with THY servant according unto THY mercy, and teach me THY statutes.'
That is also my prayer for my life. I pray that GOD will fill my life with both HIS word and HIS mercy. If I allow HIM to do those things, I will be happy all the rest of my days.
I made up a prayer to say over Christopher when he was a baby and have continued with each boy. I thought I'd write it in here in case they all grow out of me saying prayers with/for them without my ever saving it somewhere,(Christopher has already outgrown praying with Mommy).
As you read it remember, I'm not a pro, just a Mommy with a prayer. Here goes:
Dear HEAVENLY FATHER, we come to YOU in the precious name of YOUR SON & our SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST, bless my boy(s) LORD, with peaceful, restful sleep, sweet dreams and good thoughts and help them always do YOUR will. Bless them and help them to think on the good things in life, of YOU and YOUR love and kindness, YOUR generosity and gracious mercy. Above all else, help them to think of your protection, of the many, many angels that YOU send to protect them with, both day and night. Help them to think of those angels, their beauty and their strength, of YOU and YOUR shining light. Help them to think on these things and to have their thoughts lead them to peaceful, restful sleep and sweet, sweet dreams. We give YOU the praise, honor, and glory for all things in our lives and thank YOU for helping all of these things work together for our good. In JESUS name we pray and thank YOU, Amen
And to you a good night as well - lorraine
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
My alone time is nearly over and I WANT MORE!
Hey everyone. I just wanted to grab a second, before the boys get home to let you know, in case any of you want to know, I have fixed my font on the previous posts now. It's taken me a while to figure out what I had done, (picked a BAD font, weblings, to be exact) but once I figured out what the problem was I attempted to fix it and today, I finally finished fixing all of them. I tell you this so you'll know there's some more to read if ya' want to, and by the way, I welcome any comments!
I didn't sleep well last night. Hardly at all actually. The last time I looked at the clock it was around 5:00 am and I was up at 6:35 and haven't went back to sleep, so perhaps I won't experience the same thing tonight.
We had a GREAT time at the beach with the boys yesterday. Jim & I took them. I prayed the whole way there for us to get a good parking space 'cause a neighborhood friend had called before we left and let us know there was no where to park and some folks had gotten stuck in the sand where they were parking on the sides of the drive. We got in spot 7 of the FRONT row!! GOD is so good, ALL THE TIME!!!
Jim got a bit frustrated with James a couple of times because of James' fears of being bit by a fish or cut by something on the floor of the ocean. I didn't tell Jim exactly how I felt about it. I did tell him not to let it get to him so much, but what I wanted to say was; "You and I are not getting in the water, so what's the big deal if he doesn't want to go back in?" I didn't get into it with him though, and eventually, James put his shoes on and got back in with him. Christopher mentioned to me that he'd told James that if he felt that bad about being in the water and was gonna' keep whining, he should just get out. I commented that now he was up there whining and aggravating his Daddy, so Christopher went to where they were on the blanket and encouraged James to do what his Dad had suggested, put his shoes on, and before we knew it; he was out there having fun again with the rest of them.
I had to pray a lot before we left to get rid of the meanness I felt towards Anthony for not coming with us. THE LORD helped me to focus more on the blessing of having 3 healthy boys that could go and a Big Brother to help me with them instead of the fact that my husband didn't want to. Before I prayed however, I said a few things to let Anthony know how I felt, and it was just enough to make him defensive and by the time Jim & James dropped us off at the house afterwards and left to go take Wandagail to the store; Anthony was acting as mean as a two headed motengator. He tried the rest of the night to make us all miserable. It worked well enough at one point that A.J. asked me right in front of his Daddy, "When will I ever get able to buy a house so I can get one and be able to be away from him?" I told him to hush and not to talk so disrespectfully. Then when Anthony left the room I asked them all to try not to make it worse by making any more comments like they were making.
So, once again I have earned the right to abide among the wise. See Proverbs 15:31
Well, I've gotta' go get A.J. from school. They just called and told me that he refused to get on the bus. I'll write more later. Love & Prayers to y'all - Lorraine
I didn't sleep well last night. Hardly at all actually. The last time I looked at the clock it was around 5:00 am and I was up at 6:35 and haven't went back to sleep, so perhaps I won't experience the same thing tonight.
We had a GREAT time at the beach with the boys yesterday. Jim & I took them. I prayed the whole way there for us to get a good parking space 'cause a neighborhood friend had called before we left and let us know there was no where to park and some folks had gotten stuck in the sand where they were parking on the sides of the drive. We got in spot 7 of the FRONT row!! GOD is so good, ALL THE TIME!!!
Jim got a bit frustrated with James a couple of times because of James' fears of being bit by a fish or cut by something on the floor of the ocean. I didn't tell Jim exactly how I felt about it. I did tell him not to let it get to him so much, but what I wanted to say was; "You and I are not getting in the water, so what's the big deal if he doesn't want to go back in?" I didn't get into it with him though, and eventually, James put his shoes on and got back in with him. Christopher mentioned to me that he'd told James that if he felt that bad about being in the water and was gonna' keep whining, he should just get out. I commented that now he was up there whining and aggravating his Daddy, so Christopher went to where they were on the blanket and encouraged James to do what his Dad had suggested, put his shoes on, and before we knew it; he was out there having fun again with the rest of them.
I had to pray a lot before we left to get rid of the meanness I felt towards Anthony for not coming with us. THE LORD helped me to focus more on the blessing of having 3 healthy boys that could go and a Big Brother to help me with them instead of the fact that my husband didn't want to. Before I prayed however, I said a few things to let Anthony know how I felt, and it was just enough to make him defensive and by the time Jim & James dropped us off at the house afterwards and left to go take Wandagail to the store; Anthony was acting as mean as a two headed motengator. He tried the rest of the night to make us all miserable. It worked well enough at one point that A.J. asked me right in front of his Daddy, "When will I ever get able to buy a house so I can get one and be able to be away from him?" I told him to hush and not to talk so disrespectfully. Then when Anthony left the room I asked them all to try not to make it worse by making any more comments like they were making.
So, once again I have earned the right to abide among the wise. See Proverbs 15:31
Well, I've gotta' go get A.J. from school. They just called and told me that he refused to get on the bus. I'll write more later. Love & Prayers to y'all - Lorraine
Sunday, May 30, 2010
A Good, Long Day that I have rejoiced & been glad in
I woke up with a song in my heart and on my mind yesterday. I started to post about it last night, but was just too tired, so here I go,late again.(It is a work in progress, this trying to replace being late with punctuality)But anywho, back to yesterday: I woke up with the words of "Because HE lives" running through my mind and refreshing my spirit. So, with the deed of speaking at a Ladies AA meeting SO early in the morning (yes, to me, having to actually be dressed and presentable and in a particular place by 10a.m. is EARlY-especially on a Saturday)anyway, I digress, back to yesterday AGAIN: Waking up with that song in my heart and enjoying it, despite the aggravated brother that woke me to make sure I made it to my meeting, really made me actually look forward to speaking is a miracle. Mostly because I had been dreading the speech thinking that: #1 I might be late and #2 What business do I have speaking when I have just started recovering from a dry drunk? I mean the dryness got so bad I lost the BEST sponsor a lady could ask for and now I have another one that I don't dislike as a sponsor, but I sure wish that she was more on the same spiritual plane that my old sponsor and I share. Anyway, back to yesterday and the speech. I got there EARlY and can you believe it, the meeting still started late! LOL! I shared and it was one of the most cleansing experiences I've had in my whole life. Then the other ladies shared. That was when my epiphany came to me. The verse in the BIBLE that says 'They that fear THEE shall be glad when they see me; because I have hoped in THY word.' Psalm 119:74 had finally came to me. I actually did help someone by sharing my experience, strength, and hope! And you know what? It's 'Because HE Lives'!!Praise GOD, HIS Spirit lives in me! That's the answer to my 'song' that I woke up with! Here's a link to a beautiful video to watch while you listen to it. By the way, before waking up yesterday; it's been close to 2 years since I last remember hearing this song I grew up singing. Now you tell me: doesn't that go to show you just how important it is that we monitor what we allow into our minds through our ears and eyes?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4HxHnJkR2c
The video I originally wanted to share of this song didn't paste into my blog right but this one seemed sufficient. I hope and pray that it lifted y'all's spirits the way it did mine when I woke up with it in my heart.
Now, about the rest of my day after my sharing at the women's meeting. I tried to call my old sponsor to share my speaking experience with her and to invite her, her son, and grandchildren to Matthew's Birthday Party. Couldn't get an answer on either of her phones. Then I tried my new sponsor, again to no avail. So, I called Carrie,(my BFF) and we got together and went to pick up the last minute items for the party from $ Tree and the cupcake cake I'd ordered from Wally World. We were in & out of both places and back home in less than an hour! Praise GOD for that blessing! She gave Matthew a Blue Angels navy pilots poster and a card that had $15 in it and was gone :( I was really hoping that she would stay. Not too long after she left, I went with A.J.(my strong-willed youngest boy) to Food Lion to get Charcoal and a couple other items. When we got back I got busy making up the hamburgers with the eggs,crackers,garlic,onion,etc.. Afterwards my husband fired up the grill and we were under way to the longest Birthday Party we've ever had. It was also the least planned IE:without games and crafts etc.. After letting the food settle for a bit, Matthew and Shelly (his little friend of whom I'm praying will be my daughter in law one day):) helped me put the goody bags together. Right after Matthew opened his gifts and opened & read his cards; Shelly & another little girl handed out the goody bags to the other children. Each one brandishing a small water gun. So, I pranced myself outside and asked Anthony about the water balloons. When he said no, I told him they were going to do it. He asked me why I'd even asked him and I replied,"To let you know ahead of time, so if you didn't want to get wet, you'd have heads up to move." So, the kids had a ball and Anthony, Laura & Curtis (another set of parents)had a ball too with the water guns & balloons. Little Curtis Paul got Mr.Anthony with a bucket of water and Mr.Curtis with a water balloon. They both looked just like they'd peed in their pants. Everyone had a good time. After the water play was over we had cake & ice cream. It was delicious! That whipped topping was awesome! Then they started slowly leaving but as soon as one set of parents left, another came over & sat in the yard with Anthony. This time it was Shawn & Carol. They are a very young couple with 3 children, (1 boy & 2 girls). Their oldest girl can put my boys, even James, to shame with her schemes and tall tales. She kind of reminds me of myself when I was really young,(under 10). I was one little red headed spit fire! I got and deserved a spanking or switching on a daily basis. Sometimes I wish I could take a switch to that girl of theirs. Oh, but anyway, by 9:30 or 10:00, the party was finally over. Then I get a phone call from the other neighbor wanting to know if I'd seen any of my boys or James with a key. She had left hers in the door to the laundry room of the apartments. I told her no but we had 9 kids eating with us and that wasn't counting any that weren't eating. She says no, that the other ones were leaving when she left the key in the door. I was hard pressed not to tell her off. I felt like she was saying there was no possibility that it could've been anyone other than our kids. Come to find out today; Anthony Sr. had seen it in the door, and since one of the tenants had told him there was a crack head living in that laundry room; he had taken it out so nothing would happen. I was so tickled to send him over there to give that key back with the little lecture I was sure he'd give with it! hee!hee!hee!
Well, THE LORD gave me a new verse today as I studied the word.
Psalm 15:27 - He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.
I needed to hear this word and GOD knew it when HE gave it to me this morning. I have been a pack rat for over 11 years now and the 'stuff' in my home is definately troubling my house and everyone in it! But the last time Carrie Mae brought me some stuff I thought to myself;"Where am I going to put that?" Then while I was pondering about the verse and looking around me this morning I noticed the beautiful vase of artificial flowers Kimberly, Carrie's daughter gave me, the day I found out I was going to need to hold A.J. back in first grade. It's a crystal cylander with sand in the bottom, glass pebbles on top of the sand and a white flower bouquet in it that has just a hint of green in their white color and hanging down from one of the thin green foliage leaves lis a gorgeous lady bug. It is beautiful and couldn't have come at a better time, but my first thought after getting inside was again,"What am I gonna' do with it?" Its sitting on my entertainment center that has become a 'catch all' as it does within a few days of my dusting it every time. It goes unnoticed because I just have too much stuff. This reminds me of another verse in Eccesiastes. Chapter 3 verse 1 states:To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: then the verse that reminds me of the lesson THE LORD has been giving me is verse 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
Hey, you know what? That verse is the date March 6th which is all three of these things in my life -
#1: My Late Momma's Birthday
#2: My Anniversary
#3: The date of my youngest son's conception
I think that's a trip myself!
Well, it's been another long day full of children in and out of my house which always makes me feel like my Grandmaw as I'm yelling,"Shut that door!","Did you shut the outside door too?","In or out! You need to make up your mind and stay one or the other!" I have atleast stopped asking them if they thought they were born in a barn. That happened after Christopher asked me as a little thing, "I don't know Mommy. Was I?" He really wanted to know. Oh, what things come out of the mouths of babes! So, anyway I'm gonna' leave you tonight with this. ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE!HALLELUIAH PEOPLE! To know that everything, good,bad,or indifferent will all work for our good! If we know this, how can we be anything outside of grateful? We have a lot, as GOD's children, to be grateful for! I don't know about you, but to me this is on the top 5 of my gratitude list.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4HxHnJkR2c
The video I originally wanted to share of this song didn't paste into my blog right but this one seemed sufficient. I hope and pray that it lifted y'all's spirits the way it did mine when I woke up with it in my heart.
Now, about the rest of my day after my sharing at the women's meeting. I tried to call my old sponsor to share my speaking experience with her and to invite her, her son, and grandchildren to Matthew's Birthday Party. Couldn't get an answer on either of her phones. Then I tried my new sponsor, again to no avail. So, I called Carrie,(my BFF) and we got together and went to pick up the last minute items for the party from $ Tree and the cupcake cake I'd ordered from Wally World. We were in & out of both places and back home in less than an hour! Praise GOD for that blessing! She gave Matthew a Blue Angels navy pilots poster and a card that had $15 in it and was gone :( I was really hoping that she would stay. Not too long after she left, I went with A.J.(my strong-willed youngest boy) to Food Lion to get Charcoal and a couple other items. When we got back I got busy making up the hamburgers with the eggs,crackers,garlic,onion,etc.. Afterwards my husband fired up the grill and we were under way to the longest Birthday Party we've ever had. It was also the least planned IE:without games and crafts etc.. After letting the food settle for a bit, Matthew and Shelly (his little friend of whom I'm praying will be my daughter in law one day):) helped me put the goody bags together. Right after Matthew opened his gifts and opened & read his cards; Shelly & another little girl handed out the goody bags to the other children. Each one brandishing a small water gun. So, I pranced myself outside and asked Anthony about the water balloons. When he said no, I told him they were going to do it. He asked me why I'd even asked him and I replied,"To let you know ahead of time, so if you didn't want to get wet, you'd have heads up to move." So, the kids had a ball and Anthony, Laura & Curtis (another set of parents)had a ball too with the water guns & balloons. Little Curtis Paul got Mr.Anthony with a bucket of water and Mr.Curtis with a water balloon. They both looked just like they'd peed in their pants. Everyone had a good time. After the water play was over we had cake & ice cream. It was delicious! That whipped topping was awesome! Then they started slowly leaving but as soon as one set of parents left, another came over & sat in the yard with Anthony. This time it was Shawn & Carol. They are a very young couple with 3 children, (1 boy & 2 girls). Their oldest girl can put my boys, even James, to shame with her schemes and tall tales. She kind of reminds me of myself when I was really young,(under 10). I was one little red headed spit fire! I got and deserved a spanking or switching on a daily basis. Sometimes I wish I could take a switch to that girl of theirs. Oh, but anyway, by 9:30 or 10:00, the party was finally over. Then I get a phone call from the other neighbor wanting to know if I'd seen any of my boys or James with a key. She had left hers in the door to the laundry room of the apartments. I told her no but we had 9 kids eating with us and that wasn't counting any that weren't eating. She says no, that the other ones were leaving when she left the key in the door. I was hard pressed not to tell her off. I felt like she was saying there was no possibility that it could've been anyone other than our kids. Come to find out today; Anthony Sr. had seen it in the door, and since one of the tenants had told him there was a crack head living in that laundry room; he had taken it out so nothing would happen. I was so tickled to send him over there to give that key back with the little lecture I was sure he'd give with it! hee!hee!hee!
Well, THE LORD gave me a new verse today as I studied the word.
Psalm 15:27 - He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.
I needed to hear this word and GOD knew it when HE gave it to me this morning. I have been a pack rat for over 11 years now and the 'stuff' in my home is definately troubling my house and everyone in it! But the last time Carrie Mae brought me some stuff I thought to myself;"Where am I going to put that?" Then while I was pondering about the verse and looking around me this morning I noticed the beautiful vase of artificial flowers Kimberly, Carrie's daughter gave me, the day I found out I was going to need to hold A.J. back in first grade. It's a crystal cylander with sand in the bottom, glass pebbles on top of the sand and a white flower bouquet in it that has just a hint of green in their white color and hanging down from one of the thin green foliage leaves lis a gorgeous lady bug. It is beautiful and couldn't have come at a better time, but my first thought after getting inside was again,"What am I gonna' do with it?" Its sitting on my entertainment center that has become a 'catch all' as it does within a few days of my dusting it every time. It goes unnoticed because I just have too much stuff. This reminds me of another verse in Eccesiastes. Chapter 3 verse 1 states:To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: then the verse that reminds me of the lesson THE LORD has been giving me is verse 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
Hey, you know what? That verse is the date March 6th which is all three of these things in my life -
#1: My Late Momma's Birthday
#2: My Anniversary
#3: The date of my youngest son's conception
I think that's a trip myself!
Well, it's been another long day full of children in and out of my house which always makes me feel like my Grandmaw as I'm yelling,"Shut that door!","Did you shut the outside door too?","In or out! You need to make up your mind and stay one or the other!" I have atleast stopped asking them if they thought they were born in a barn. That happened after Christopher asked me as a little thing, "I don't know Mommy. Was I?" He really wanted to know. Oh, what things come out of the mouths of babes! So, anyway I'm gonna' leave you tonight with this. ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE!HALLELUIAH PEOPLE! To know that everything, good,bad,or indifferent will all work for our good! If we know this, how can we be anything outside of grateful? We have a lot, as GOD's children, to be grateful for! I don't know about you, but to me this is on the top 5 of my gratitude list.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Could all really be well in spite of what's Happened to me as a Mommy?
I found out today that it is in A.J.'s, my youngest son's, best interest to repeat the first grade next year. I didn't want to hear it, but as with all things in life that I can not change; I must accept it and ask GOD for the grace to find the good in it. That part's really the easy part this time. (Finding the good.) This way, A.J. has a chance to be in the top of his class next year, as was the case last year in Kindergarten.
The hard part is the acceptance of my responsibility in this happening. I have failed him as a parent to make him stay on top of things. I took advantage of the Al Anon slogans 'Live & Let Live' and 'Let Go and Let GOD', as well as being selfish in using the concept of 'Allowing others to have the dignity of making their own decisions and either reaping the benefits or suffering the consequences' to his detriment.
I told him that if he chose not to use his time wisely at school, paying attention and following directions and made the choice not to do his 20 minutes of reading every night, (in order to keep up) then it was going to be his decision to stay in 1st grade.
His teacher and I were sharing with each other today how much he hated being so small. He told her several times, "I sure hope I hit a growth spurt soon!" So, perhaps being in class with children his own age next year will help make him feel a bit less out of size? Maybe he might even not be the smallest one in class next year? That, I'm sure, would be of some help to his self image, and perhaps make up for some of the self esteem issues that come so often with being held back a grade in school.
The teacher advised me not to tell him yet. I'm more than eager to agree and comply with that advice. He's already been beating himself up about the fact that there was a chance he was going to be held back.
Another positive thing that has come from this is the opportunity that I've been given to learn from my mistake and being able to make up for it over the summer by working with him in order to better prepare him to be ahead at the beginning of next year, the way I always did with Christopher and Matthew, (my older sons). I don't know what made me become such a lazy or lax Mommy. This year has been the exact opposite of what I've always done in the past with my boys. Perhaps I expected too much of A.J. due to the fact that his brothers are older now and no longer require all that extra guidance and pushing to get their work done. Then again, it could also be that I assumed since he was so far advanced in Kindergarten that he wouldn't require the extra care I'd always given Christopher and Matthew at A.J.'s age. Then again, could I have just taken this past year to fall into the sin of slothfulness?
Of course, everything our family has been through this year has to factor into it as well. Our lives have been full of change after change and chaos after chaos and that's not even including the fact that our family is infected with the disease of alcoholism or that we have 2 entire different family units (ours having 5 members, another having 2 members) all under the roof of a home barely big enough for ours of 5.
Good news also comes today. Christopher and Matthew passed all their E.O.G.s with 3s and 4s. And as icing on the top; James,(my nephew, who has always suffered to even barely pass his grades if he did and other times just allowed to move up because of his age, and has always had to retake his E.O.G.s) scored 3s on both of his E.O.G.s on his first try!! He went from last year's final score of 27% to a 42% this year! Praise THE LORD!!! GOD is SO good to us!
We (Jim, myself, and all 4 of the boys) went to the Air Show Sunday and we had a FANTASTIC time! GOD even laid it on the heart of the lady taking pictures of people on one of the Blue Angels planes to give us a ticket to get our picture done when I told her I didn't have any money (The pictures cost $10.00 plus $2 per each additional person)! Then she gave Christopher 4 pictures of the team with signatures they were selling - just because he hugged her and said 'Thank you' to her.
Then we got a ride on a golf cart sort of deal to the buses where one of the buses gave us a ride to our car in the regular parking lot, so we didn't have to do all that walking in the heat and drizzling rain!
Well, I must get ready for my meeting tonight. LORD knows I need it tonight!
May GOD bless and keep you in HIS peaceful serenity in the midst of life's storms.- much love,Wendy
The hard part is the acceptance of my responsibility in this happening. I have failed him as a parent to make him stay on top of things. I took advantage of the Al Anon slogans 'Live & Let Live' and 'Let Go and Let GOD', as well as being selfish in using the concept of 'Allowing others to have the dignity of making their own decisions and either reaping the benefits or suffering the consequences' to his detriment.
I told him that if he chose not to use his time wisely at school, paying attention and following directions and made the choice not to do his 20 minutes of reading every night, (in order to keep up) then it was going to be his decision to stay in 1st grade.
His teacher and I were sharing with each other today how much he hated being so small. He told her several times, "I sure hope I hit a growth spurt soon!" So, perhaps being in class with children his own age next year will help make him feel a bit less out of size? Maybe he might even not be the smallest one in class next year? That, I'm sure, would be of some help to his self image, and perhaps make up for some of the self esteem issues that come so often with being held back a grade in school.
The teacher advised me not to tell him yet. I'm more than eager to agree and comply with that advice. He's already been beating himself up about the fact that there was a chance he was going to be held back.
Another positive thing that has come from this is the opportunity that I've been given to learn from my mistake and being able to make up for it over the summer by working with him in order to better prepare him to be ahead at the beginning of next year, the way I always did with Christopher and Matthew, (my older sons). I don't know what made me become such a lazy or lax Mommy. This year has been the exact opposite of what I've always done in the past with my boys. Perhaps I expected too much of A.J. due to the fact that his brothers are older now and no longer require all that extra guidance and pushing to get their work done. Then again, it could also be that I assumed since he was so far advanced in Kindergarten that he wouldn't require the extra care I'd always given Christopher and Matthew at A.J.'s age. Then again, could I have just taken this past year to fall into the sin of slothfulness?
Of course, everything our family has been through this year has to factor into it as well. Our lives have been full of change after change and chaos after chaos and that's not even including the fact that our family is infected with the disease of alcoholism or that we have 2 entire different family units (ours having 5 members, another having 2 members) all under the roof of a home barely big enough for ours of 5.
Good news also comes today. Christopher and Matthew passed all their E.O.G.s with 3s and 4s. And as icing on the top; James,(my nephew, who has always suffered to even barely pass his grades if he did and other times just allowed to move up because of his age, and has always had to retake his E.O.G.s) scored 3s on both of his E.O.G.s on his first try!! He went from last year's final score of 27% to a 42% this year! Praise THE LORD!!! GOD is SO good to us!
We (Jim, myself, and all 4 of the boys) went to the Air Show Sunday and we had a FANTASTIC time! GOD even laid it on the heart of the lady taking pictures of people on one of the Blue Angels planes to give us a ticket to get our picture done when I told her I didn't have any money (The pictures cost $10.00 plus $2 per each additional person)! Then she gave Christopher 4 pictures of the team with signatures they were selling - just because he hugged her and said 'Thank you' to her.
Then we got a ride on a golf cart sort of deal to the buses where one of the buses gave us a ride to our car in the regular parking lot, so we didn't have to do all that walking in the heat and drizzling rain!
Well, I must get ready for my meeting tonight. LORD knows I need it tonight!
May GOD bless and keep you in HIS peaceful serenity in the midst of life's storms.- much love,Wendy
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What's this all about anyway?
A recent post by a fellow blogger sent me back into my early childhood. I remember listening to this LP over and over along with many others. (although the others were not so much like this one,) but at the same time in my life, I was all wrapped up in the core of my mind all the while helping my Momma make candle holders out of candle wax and coke bottles. It was WONDERFUL!!!! Thanks for the reminder of a time long forgotten and well needed to be remembered.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
troubles again
It's been a humiliating kind of afternoon. I found out that instead of calling me, Anthony had Donna go with him and work with him after work all afternoon. I was crushed and embarrassed that he would prefer her company rather than mine. He never even asked me if I'd like to clean that boat even though I've showed interest in doing that kind of work and asked him about my doing it before. That's on top of the fact that he knows how I feel about that witch Donna. I have not in any, way, shape, or form hidden my feelings about her and him dealing with her. He has no regard for my feelings. He does what he wants, with who he wants, when he wants to do it. I hate that he doesn't respect me any more than to spend time with her outside of work when he clearly knows how I feel but then again, that's my fault for having expectations of someone's respect that doesn't even respect himself. He just tries me so much that I'm drained from it all. I am sick of this stuff! I'm sick and tired of watching him be sick and tired of everything. If I hear him say
" I'm sick of this shit." or" I do and I do" one more time I do believe I will puke!
Now my son wants to know if Donna will be his new Mommy and if she's black. He thinks 'cause she's the one riding Daddy around everywhere that they're dating. Now I wish I'd never had said anything to Anthony 'cause all he does is what he always does, tries to turn it around on me so that it's my fault. Now he says he let her do it 'cause I can't clean a boat. I know I can clean and/or detail a boat.
And another thing: This morning he said he was going to go to his DWI class tonight but here it is 6pm the meeting is started and he's here cooking on the grill. I'll go to my meeting though and be better off for having gone. That's my plan anyway. It'd be much easier to cop out since I've got to help my nephew get his project done and still helping A.J. do his homework, but I know now I MUST start doing again what I know is good for me, even when what's good for me is not easy or comfortable. I'm practicing I've just got a long long long ways to go.
I do want to say before I close today, how much I enjoyed Colin's funeral service. It was almost as big a hit as his presence was in a room. The family did a spectacular job and my favorite parts were his Daughter's and Brother's and his Niece's words about him. The SPIRIT moved Lark to fore go her prepared speech and witness to someone about forgiveness. It was beautiful but I still want to hear her prepared speech that would have to of been grand!
" I'm sick of this shit." or" I do and I do" one more time I do believe I will puke!
Now my son wants to know if Donna will be his new Mommy and if she's black. He thinks 'cause she's the one riding Daddy around everywhere that they're dating. Now I wish I'd never had said anything to Anthony 'cause all he does is what he always does, tries to turn it around on me so that it's my fault. Now he says he let her do it 'cause I can't clean a boat. I know I can clean and/or detail a boat.
And another thing: This morning he said he was going to go to his DWI class tonight but here it is 6pm the meeting is started and he's here cooking on the grill. I'll go to my meeting though and be better off for having gone. That's my plan anyway. It'd be much easier to cop out since I've got to help my nephew get his project done and still helping A.J. do his homework, but I know now I MUST start doing again what I know is good for me, even when what's good for me is not easy or comfortable. I'm practicing I've just got a long long long ways to go.
I do want to say before I close today, how much I enjoyed Colin's funeral service. It was almost as big a hit as his presence was in a room. The family did a spectacular job and my favorite parts were his Daughter's and Brother's and his Niece's words about him. The SPIRIT moved Lark to fore go her prepared speech and witness to someone about forgiveness. It was beautiful but I still want to hear her prepared speech that would have to of been grand!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Another day THE LORD has made
This is the day THE LORD has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!!!
I will attend Colin's funeral today. I've never liked funerals. I suppose no one likes them. Oddly, I am looking forward to it though. I am looking forward to seeing my Lark & my Ms.Carolyn. Ms. Carolyn told me last night that she thought it would be a nice service. She told me that she shared with Colin what her plans were and that he agreed with them. She said she asked him if he wanted to know and he said yes. What a wonderful, blessed, powerful conversation that must have been.
Once when I dropped by on Halloween a few years ago, I remember thinking what a great couple they made. They complimented each other. I loved his charm and wit and could see how she had fallen in love with him. Of course, I could say the same for him. She's such a lovely person. Like a doting Mother Hen taking care of anyone who will allow her to.
I have regrets now of not going by more often with the boys. I also wish I would have went by hers and Lark's homes after Colin came home from the hospital. I was not sure I wouldn't be more in the way than anything else. The day I visited him in the hospital and went by the house trying to beat the medical transport I felt like an intruder. I will make up for it after the family all goes back to their lives and homes. Perhaps I won't make too much of a bother of myself.
I'm going to check on my friend Wandagail who is currently staying at the domestic violence shelter for women this morning. I haven't heard from her in quite a few days and want to make sure she is doing alright and doesn't need anything.
I will attend Colin's funeral today. I've never liked funerals. I suppose no one likes them. Oddly, I am looking forward to it though. I am looking forward to seeing my Lark & my Ms.Carolyn. Ms. Carolyn told me last night that she thought it would be a nice service. She told me that she shared with Colin what her plans were and that he agreed with them. She said she asked him if he wanted to know and he said yes. What a wonderful, blessed, powerful conversation that must have been.
Once when I dropped by on Halloween a few years ago, I remember thinking what a great couple they made. They complimented each other. I loved his charm and wit and could see how she had fallen in love with him. Of course, I could say the same for him. She's such a lovely person. Like a doting Mother Hen taking care of anyone who will allow her to.
I have regrets now of not going by more often with the boys. I also wish I would have went by hers and Lark's homes after Colin came home from the hospital. I was not sure I wouldn't be more in the way than anything else. The day I visited him in the hospital and went by the house trying to beat the medical transport I felt like an intruder. I will make up for it after the family all goes back to their lives and homes. Perhaps I won't make too much of a bother of myself.
I'm going to check on my friend Wandagail who is currently staying at the domestic violence shelter for women this morning. I haven't heard from her in quite a few days and want to make sure she is doing alright and doesn't need anything.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Frustration, Aggrivation, & Gratifude
I thoroughly enjoyed seeing Lark, Carolyn, and the rest of Colin's family this afternoon. They all seem to appear peaceful and alright which to me is an indication of what was once referred to me as being under GOD's anesthesia. I pray they all stay there for as long as possible and that they are all able to come through their grief as better people and a closer knit family. I am ever so grateful that that was the case for me and my brothers when our Mom passed away. It was the most difficult time any of us had ever expe3rienced in our lives and there were VERY TRYING times but in the end we were all the better for it and are now closer than we even thought possible.
Now for the frustration and aggravation: Anthony left this afternoon to go work on a boat and never come home. That would've been fine if he would've bothered to at least let me know he wasn't coming home.
Now for the frustration and aggravation: Anthony left this afternoon to go work on a boat and never come home. That would've been fine if he would've bothered to at least let me know he wasn't coming home.
Another day of mischeif
A policeman just came to my door to inform me that Christopher, A.J., and James had set a fire on the train trussel. They did it with my giant magnifying glass. So, now I have to get ready for Colin's visitation, praying that my brother gets home before I have to leave so I won't be worrying about them being alone while I'm gone. Pray for me!
The Cycle of Life
I am going to visitation for my dearest Lark's father who passed peacefully this week. I didn't know him very well, but on the few occasions I had the privilege of keeping company with him; I found him to be a delightful country soul. I am truly glad to see him go on to be asleep in the LORD. I am grateful he did not suffer for months and months as some I've known to. His family has been blessed to have been spared that long suffering aspect of dying. Although I am sure, to them, the suffering lasted more than long enough. I found out too, the family has another life coming soon.
It reminds me of losing my father in law. I was pregnant with A.J. when he passed away. It's so weird how the cycle of life is so evident in cases like these. One leaves this world and another enters. In our case, my son is the spitting image of his Daddy who in turn is the spitting image of his Dad. So, ironically, it seems like Daddy left only to be replaced by a tiny replica of himself.
It reminds me of losing my father in law. I was pregnant with A.J. when he passed away. It's so weird how the cycle of life is so evident in cases like these. One leaves this world and another enters. In our case, my son is the spitting image of his Daddy who in turn is the spitting image of his Dad. So, ironically, it seems like Daddy left only to be replaced by a tiny replica of himself.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fear & Vanity
I have had a teeth pulling kind of day. I was put to sleep and had two teeth taken out of my mouth. One on each side on the bottom. YUCK!!! It was nice, not having to go through all the anxiety before and pain during. Mostly the anxiety was always the worst part. That, in turn, made the pain worse. This time I was scared, then I woke up and it was over. NICE way to go about having teeth pulled. I'll never do it any other way again.
I want to get a partial to make up for all my chewing teeth I've lost over the years. Luray's trying to talk me into a full set of teeth but I'm not sure I'm ready to go that far. The dentist told me I wasn't a candidate for them a couple years ago. He told me I was also a tooth away from qualifying for a partial back then. I haven't lost the one he was talking about yet, but I have lost 2 others and have 2 of my top front that need to be pulled. Those I refuse to let them pull before I know for sure will be replaced with the partial. Vanity, Vanity, all is Vanity....... I'll let them take my chewing teeth but not the ones in front that everyone sees....
I want to get a partial to make up for all my chewing teeth I've lost over the years. Luray's trying to talk me into a full set of teeth but I'm not sure I'm ready to go that far. The dentist told me I wasn't a candidate for them a couple years ago. He told me I was also a tooth away from qualifying for a partial back then. I haven't lost the one he was talking about yet, but I have lost 2 others and have 2 of my top front that need to be pulled. Those I refuse to let them pull before I know for sure will be replaced with the partial. Vanity, Vanity, all is Vanity....... I'll let them take my chewing teeth but not the ones in front that everyone sees....
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Oh, What a Week
The red font is perfect to help express my frustration today and frustration is putting it extremely mildly! I am angry at my selfish alcoholic husband who seems to think of our relationship what I think of fishing: 'It's a nice thing to know is there and I enjoy it, but I'll do it when its convenient for me.' Marriage shouldn't be this way. It should either be a constant or not at all. Then again, I'm not married to just any other man in the world. I'm married to one of the ones like me-only not sober but wet. Heck, he's more than wet, he's drowning in the stuff.
I have enjoyed the day though. I studied how to listen to GOD with Charles Stanley, enjoyed digging in a couple of my gardens (pretend graves for my husband) and my B.F.F. came by and we went down the road and walked through an old house that will soon be destroyed so a new one can be built in its place. There's nothing like going through an old house where years ago people used to live. We gathered a few collectibles and headed back to the house with BIG PLANS to go back prepared in the morning after the boys go to school. FINALLY, they return from Easter Break tomorrow. No, that's right, to be politically correct-it's Spring Break-yeah right, to heck with being politically anything or to be correct for that matter, just for today I want to be that fiery red headed part of me and say to heck with anything and everything that's not what I want it to be.
My brother and nephew are coming home today. Bitter sweet return to a place that they reluctantly call home lately. Jim will soon move out with his son - at least that's all of our hopes. Perhaps GOD will provide a way for this to happen sooner rather than later. It really will be best for all concerned. This small house got too small for our family when I found out I was pregnant with A.J. on the day the doctor was to sign papers for me to have a hysterectomy. Now, A.J. is 6 years old and it's even smaller than before. Now that Jim and James are here; it feels smaller and smaller every day.
It's been nice not having anyone here but Anthony, the boys, and myself since Luray went home. Its been quite and peaceful most of the time. There's still been the normal ruckus created by having 3 boys and an active alcoholic but peaceful and quite for me just the same.
I am hoping that either Anthony stays away tonight or at least calls to apologize before he comes home. I'd prefer he just stay away right now but with GOD's help; I'll deal with whatever comes the best I know how.
Christopher is cleaning the kitchen up and getting ready to cook supper for us. He's cooking spaghetti tonight. He likes to cook. I think he'll be like his Daddy and be the cooker in his family.
Matthew & A.J. just got back from going to the B.P. and getting shrimp bait to feed their crabs with. Christopher & A.J. caught them in the 'swamp' by the train-trussel earlier today.
I'm back. I've dug in the 'graves', watered some gifts, eaten supper, and am about to have the second of three baths done before bed time. I can't wait for that time of night to be here when I am alone with THE LORD and can listen to whatever HE has for me to hear.
I have enjoyed the day though. I studied how to listen to GOD with Charles Stanley, enjoyed digging in a couple of my gardens (pretend graves for my husband) and my B.F.F. came by and we went down the road and walked through an old house that will soon be destroyed so a new one can be built in its place. There's nothing like going through an old house where years ago people used to live. We gathered a few collectibles and headed back to the house with BIG PLANS to go back prepared in the morning after the boys go to school. FINALLY, they return from Easter Break tomorrow. No, that's right, to be politically correct-it's Spring Break-yeah right, to heck with being politically anything or to be correct for that matter, just for today I want to be that fiery red headed part of me and say to heck with anything and everything that's not what I want it to be.
My brother and nephew are coming home today. Bitter sweet return to a place that they reluctantly call home lately. Jim will soon move out with his son - at least that's all of our hopes. Perhaps GOD will provide a way for this to happen sooner rather than later. It really will be best for all concerned. This small house got too small for our family when I found out I was pregnant with A.J. on the day the doctor was to sign papers for me to have a hysterectomy. Now, A.J. is 6 years old and it's even smaller than before. Now that Jim and James are here; it feels smaller and smaller every day.
It's been nice not having anyone here but Anthony, the boys, and myself since Luray went home. Its been quite and peaceful most of the time. There's still been the normal ruckus created by having 3 boys and an active alcoholic but peaceful and quite for me just the same.
I am hoping that either Anthony stays away tonight or at least calls to apologize before he comes home. I'd prefer he just stay away right now but with GOD's help; I'll deal with whatever comes the best I know how.
Christopher is cleaning the kitchen up and getting ready to cook supper for us. He's cooking spaghetti tonight. He likes to cook. I think he'll be like his Daddy and be the cooker in his family.
Matthew & A.J. just got back from going to the B.P. and getting shrimp bait to feed their crabs with. Christopher & A.J. caught them in the 'swamp' by the train-trussel earlier today.
I'm back. I've dug in the 'graves', watered some gifts, eaten supper, and am about to have the second of three baths done before bed time. I can't wait for that time of night to be here when I am alone with THE LORD and can listen to whatever HE has for me to hear.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Easter Party/Week 2010
This has been a long weekend that's lasted from Thursday of last week when my first visitor arrived and is now in its last stage of being alone with my boys during the day and just my husband and boys at night. The alone time with just the 5 of us is welcomed and dreaded at the same time.
The weekend started with James, (my nephew) coming home early from school 'cause he threw up before school then later in the morning during school. Amazingly however, once home you'd never had known he was ever sick. He was outside having a ball when my dear friend Lisa and her 2 beautiful boys, Ben & Jacob arrived around 1:30 or so Thursday. This really bothered my boys when they came home from school since they aren't allowed to go outside or even watch T.V. when they're home 'sick'. I explained to them that I am not his parent and it is not worth fighting with Jimmy (my brother and James' dad) over. I also asked them if they liked staying home from school. Their answers came back with a resounding NO!!!!! Well, then my way is serving its purpose I told them. When the 'buts' began I held up my hand and said, "This conversation is over. Now go ahead and enjoy what little bit of time you will have with Ben & Jacob 'cause they may be leaving as early as an hour from now."
I thoroughly enjoyed my visit with Lisa. Although it was WAY TOO SHORT. She had to hurry and get on the road to Virginia to be with her new 'friend' and go to her new work. She will soon be moving there & it breaks my heart. I barely get to see her and the boys as it is with them living on Oak Island.
To my surprise and all 6 boys' delight, Ben & Jacob didn't only get to stay much longer than we expected Thursday afternoon, but Scott (Lisa's ex-husband, their Dad) and his new girlfriend Ginny said they would bring them back on Saturday for our Easter Party.
My next visitor arrived Thursday night. My 1st Cousin Luray finally got down off that mountain she loves to refer to as 'Andy Griffin Land' and drove all by herself (something she HATES) to come to our Easter Resurrection Celebration & spend a few days with us. We and my B.F.F. Carrie Mae loved being able to spend the quality time with such a Spiritual person. She loves to talk too. She told me one time during this visit that she even hates to hear her own voice sometimes. I think its beautiful and that she only talks so much when she gets around us because she has someone other than THE LORD to talk with. She lives alone and that's a conscious choice she's made. She did SO much for me & my family. She's my Luray like my Daddy's sister Aunt Glenda was to my Mom. Carrie, Lisa, Luray, and Glenda (another one of my dearest friends) all helped me with our little Celebration Party. Carrie Mae and Luray worked SO HARD on Friday that it not only made my home better for the party; but also my life is better because of them being here for me in SO MANY WAYS. I don't know what I'd do without them as part of my life and don't want to ever know again what life without my girlfriends would be like. That's a priceless gift from GOD through the programs of AA, Al-Anon, and even NA.
While Luray was here we went to see my dear friends', (Lark and Ms. Carolyn) Dad and Husband Colin while he was in the hospital. We arrived just in time to spend a good five or ten quality moments with him that I will never forget.
The weekend started with James, (my nephew) coming home early from school 'cause he threw up before school then later in the morning during school. Amazingly however, once home you'd never had known he was ever sick. He was outside having a ball when my dear friend Lisa and her 2 beautiful boys, Ben & Jacob arrived around 1:30 or so Thursday. This really bothered my boys when they came home from school since they aren't allowed to go outside or even watch T.V. when they're home 'sick'. I explained to them that I am not his parent and it is not worth fighting with Jimmy (my brother and James' dad) over. I also asked them if they liked staying home from school. Their answers came back with a resounding NO!!!!! Well, then my way is serving its purpose I told them. When the 'buts' began I held up my hand and said, "This conversation is over. Now go ahead and enjoy what little bit of time you will have with Ben & Jacob 'cause they may be leaving as early as an hour from now."
I thoroughly enjoyed my visit with Lisa. Although it was WAY TOO SHORT. She had to hurry and get on the road to Virginia to be with her new 'friend' and go to her new work. She will soon be moving there & it breaks my heart. I barely get to see her and the boys as it is with them living on Oak Island.
To my surprise and all 6 boys' delight, Ben & Jacob didn't only get to stay much longer than we expected Thursday afternoon, but Scott (Lisa's ex-husband, their Dad) and his new girlfriend Ginny said they would bring them back on Saturday for our Easter Party.
My next visitor arrived Thursday night. My 1st Cousin Luray finally got down off that mountain she loves to refer to as 'Andy Griffin Land' and drove all by herself (something she HATES) to come to our Easter Resurrection Celebration & spend a few days with us. We and my B.F.F. Carrie Mae loved being able to spend the quality time with such a Spiritual person. She loves to talk too. She told me one time during this visit that she even hates to hear her own voice sometimes. I think its beautiful and that she only talks so much when she gets around us because she has someone other than THE LORD to talk with. She lives alone and that's a conscious choice she's made. She did SO much for me & my family. She's my Luray like my Daddy's sister Aunt Glenda was to my Mom. Carrie, Lisa, Luray, and Glenda (another one of my dearest friends) all helped me with our little Celebration Party. Carrie Mae and Luray worked SO HARD on Friday that it not only made my home better for the party; but also my life is better because of them being here for me in SO MANY WAYS. I don't know what I'd do without them as part of my life and don't want to ever know again what life without my girlfriends would be like. That's a priceless gift from GOD through the programs of AA, Al-Anon, and even NA.
While Luray was here we went to see my dear friends', (Lark and Ms. Carolyn) Dad and Husband Colin while he was in the hospital. We arrived just in time to spend a good five or ten quality moments with him that I will never forget.
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