I found out today that it is in A.J.'s, my youngest son's, best interest to repeat the first grade next year. I didn't want to hear it, but as with all things in life that I can not change; I must accept it and ask GOD for the grace to find the good in it. That part's really the easy part this time. (Finding the good.) This way, A.J. has a chance to be in the top of his class next year, as was the case last year in Kindergarten.
The hard part is the acceptance of my responsibility in this happening. I have failed him as a parent to make him stay on top of things. I took advantage of the Al Anon slogans 'Live & Let Live' and 'Let Go and Let GOD', as well as being selfish in using the concept of 'Allowing others to have the dignity of making their own decisions and either reaping the benefits or suffering the consequences' to his detriment.
I told him that if he chose not to use his time wisely at school, paying attention and following directions and made the choice not to do his 20 minutes of reading every night, (in order to keep up) then it was going to be his decision to stay in 1st grade.
His teacher and I were sharing with each other today how much he hated being so small. He told her several times, "I sure hope I hit a growth spurt soon!" So, perhaps being in class with children his own age next year will help make him feel a bit less out of size? Maybe he might even not be the smallest one in class next year? That, I'm sure, would be of some help to his self image, and perhaps make up for some of the self esteem issues that come so often with being held back a grade in school.
The teacher advised me not to tell him yet. I'm more than eager to agree and comply with that advice. He's already been beating himself up about the fact that there was a chance he was going to be held back.
Another positive thing that has come from this is the opportunity that I've been given to learn from my mistake and being able to make up for it over the summer by working with him in order to better prepare him to be ahead at the beginning of next year, the way I always did with Christopher and Matthew, (my older sons). I don't know what made me become such a lazy or lax Mommy. This year has been the exact opposite of what I've always done in the past with my boys. Perhaps I expected too much of A.J. due to the fact that his brothers are older now and no longer require all that extra guidance and pushing to get their work done. Then again, it could also be that I assumed since he was so far advanced in Kindergarten that he wouldn't require the extra care I'd always given Christopher and Matthew at A.J.'s age. Then again, could I have just taken this past year to fall into the sin of slothfulness?
Of course, everything our family has been through this year has to factor into it as well. Our lives have been full of change after change and chaos after chaos and that's not even including the fact that our family is infected with the disease of alcoholism or that we have 2 entire different family units (ours having 5 members, another having 2 members) all under the roof of a home barely big enough for ours of 5.
Good news also comes today. Christopher and Matthew passed all their E.O.G.s with 3s and 4s. And as icing on the top; James,(my nephew, who has always suffered to even barely pass his grades if he did and other times just allowed to move up because of his age, and has always had to retake his E.O.G.s) scored 3s on both of his E.O.G.s on his first try!! He went from last year's final score of 27% to a 42% this year! Praise THE LORD!!! GOD is SO good to us!
We (Jim, myself, and all 4 of the boys) went to the Air Show Sunday and we had a FANTASTIC time! GOD even laid it on the heart of the lady taking pictures of people on one of the Blue Angels planes to give us a ticket to get our picture done when I told her I didn't have any money (The pictures cost $10.00 plus $2 per each additional person)! Then she gave Christopher 4 pictures of the team with signatures they were selling - just because he hugged her and said 'Thank you' to her.
Then we got a ride on a golf cart sort of deal to the buses where one of the buses gave us a ride to our car in the regular parking lot, so we didn't have to do all that walking in the heat and drizzling rain!
Well, I must get ready for my meeting tonight. LORD knows I need it tonight!
May GOD bless and keep you in HIS peaceful serenity in the midst of life's storms.- much love,Wendy
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