One day down. Only GOD knows how many are left. I've really enjoyed my day. We frolicked on the beach for about 2 hours. Came home and cleaned the van out. Then Matthew & I took it to the car wash for a real cleaning. I let him sit on my lap and drive. He was so excited. He said that was the most awesome thing he's ever done. I let him do it all: brakes, accelerator, steering, even shifting gears. He was in heaven. It was a good time for us alone. It made me have a new perspective on life. How blessed we are and especially how blessed I am for GOD to have given me the ability to do these things with my children whom are also blessed as being healthy.
I do wish that AB would participate in our family goings, but I try to practice the 'act as if' scenario. As Ms.Jean says, I sometimes have to act as if I'm a widow and then live my life accordingly. It is a lot easier to speak than to do. At least emotionally and spiritually the practice of it is exhausting anyway.
I called Ms.Jean to ask her about my step meeting next month while I was on the beach. I was reading up on it and had some questions. She made me feel good and wholesome. She usually does have that affect on me.
After the step meeting in July for Al Anon; I will chair for my AA home group meeting in August. I will need to do an eighth tradition meeting on one of those Fridays. So, I've already began planning for those dates. I really look forward to them. They give me a sense of purpose. Not too much unlike the way being an enabler and/or care taker has. My desire is that eventually GOD will fill me with HIS SPIRIT, so overflowing with it, that I will not need anyone or anything else to give me that sense of well being and having a purpose that HE can give me perfectly. Each day of my life lately I feel that he fills more and more of that hole I have inside that we speak of in recovery.
This life, it is a journey with the destination known but only to the extent that he will allow us to see it. The thing though is that if I want to know more; I must work more. I have to do the foot work. Pray, Read the Bible, and apply the principles to my life little by slow, more and more each day. When I read the BIBLE I must do it with intent and purpose. The intention to hear what GOD is telling me and the purpose is to ask HIM to show me how to apply it in my life. It's a good life, it's the life GOD intended for me even the downs are a part of the whole of it and as always: all these things work for my good just because I am one of the called according to HIS purpose. Praise GOD in the HIGHEST. HIS mercy endures forever. Under the wing of THE ALMIGHTY do I abide.
Love and prayers to all sweet dreams &; good thoughts lead you into peaceful restful sleep ~ Lorraine
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